Effective Communication in Building Relationships Essay Example for Free

Effective Communication in Building Relationships Essay Communicating effectively is the most important aspect of any relationship. In all venues the way we communicate can determine if that relationship will be successful, this is certainly true in an intimate relationship, but just as important in business relationships, friendships, and familial relationships. Relationships are defined by how we communicate, and how effective we are at getting our message out, but just as important is how well we listen. Healthy relationships require us to know a bit about ourselves, and be willing to share some of ourselves with others, building that trust element helps determine the intensity of a relationship. Understanding some of these components will help you on your way to developing and maintaining a good relationship. Having good communication skills can mean the difference between success and failure of a relationship. Most relationships that are successful are in an â€Å"equitable relationship† (Myers, 2010, pg. 429). Being aware of some of the barriers to effective communication can help you avoid the pitfalls of bad or ineffective communication. There are several communicating errors that can signal the end of a relationship, according to Hybels and Weaver (2007) some of those are, â€Å"aggressive talk, regrettable talk, criticism and complaints, avoidance, and defensive communication† (pg. 199). Having disagreements are a normal part of any relationship, it is how we resolve those conflicts that can mean the difference between a healthy relationship or one that is heading towards destruction. We tend to fall back on the destructive methods when we have no other tools in our toolbox. Aggressive talk is using language that demeans another; it is calling names, using disparaging words, wearing down the self esteem of the other person. This is so destructive to a relationship; it can at times lead to physical violence. But the most insidious form of communication is indirect aggression, or passive aggression. This is when we consciously commit an act that we know will hurt or upset another. We manipulate the situation to get our way, or get our â€Å"dig† into the other person. This way we do not have to  confront directly, it is very subtle, and can be the real killer of a relationship. It is a way to continue an argument without actually saying much at all. The Los Angeles Times (1997) reported on passive aggressive tendencies in relationships, and gave some advice on how to handle the situation, â€Å"first, realize that you may not be able to get your mate to change his or her behavior, but you can change yours† and â€Å"take control of the sit uation by setting limits, figure out what you can do† (pg. 3). Regrettable talk is saying something, and then wishing you could take it back. I think we are all guilty of this to some extent. We blurt out a remark without thinking, and immediately we regret it. Using regrettable talk can leave others with hurt feelings, and cause them to want to avoid us. I think in relationships it is easy to fall into this category, you know someone so well, and feel comfortable saying just about anything, so you let your guard down, and many times the things we say we wish we could take back. I have commented to my spouse that we talk nicer to our neighbors than we do to each other, and if we wish to continue in a relationship we must be aware of this, and make every effort to think before we speak. Criticism and complaints creep into a relationship when couples have no real tools for resolving an argument. In an article from Cosmopolitan, reporter Laura Gilbert (2007) interviews professionals about some of the consequences from constant complaints and criticism, After a while, you stop talking with those sweet undertones, says Edythe Denkin, PhD, author of Relationship Magic, and sarcasm or negativity can become more common 243 (5). There are different styles of attachment, â€Å"people with negative views of others exhibit either the dismissive or the fearful attachment style† (Myers, 2010, pg. 428). Dismissive is a relationship marked by distrust, and fearful attachment is a relationship marked by fear of rejection. Either types can lead to the end of a relationship. Avoidance and defensive communication are two types of negative methods used to get our point across. When we are unhappy we avoid any discussion, the silent treatment is what a lot of couples use to avoid any conflict. This is counterproductive, and will destroy the trust in a relationship. Many  couples mistakenly feel that arguing is the end of a relationship, but in truth it is when we begin avoiding each other that can signal a relationship is in trouble. David Code from the Christian Science Monitor (2009) writes, â€Å"Just because you seldom argue doesnt mean your marriage is strong, the real silent killer of marriage is distancing yourself from your partner† (pg. 9). He goes on to discuss some possible solutions, and encourages couples to not worry so much about disagreeing, but focus on â€Å"your flight response†, If we can learn to spot the â€Å"distancing pattern in our relationships† we can help â€Å"prevent family problems and divorce† ( Code, 2009, pg. 9). Defensive communication occurs as we are trying to defend ourselves from a comment made by our partner. â€Å"Defending ourselves is dealing with a past behavior; it gives us no time to resolve the problem† (Hybels and Weaver, 2007, pg. 200). In a relationship each partner must get out of the relationship â€Å"proportional to what you each put into it† (Myers, 2010, pg. 428). The best way to fix a problem is to recognize and admit you have one in the first place. In Cosmopolitan, Jennifer Benjamin (2007) gives us some common communication pitfalls, and says â€Å"to avoid these, you first have to recognize them† (pg. 126). The article goes on to list five communication mistakes that we as couples tend to make. One mistake many couples make is leaving out important information. We give our partners some of the needed information, but assume that he or she knows me so well; they will know what I am talking about. So vital information is left out, this leads to mis communication, and hurt feelings. Another area that we have to be aware of is the time we pick to have a discussion. During Super Bowl, or when one is rushing off to work, is not the time to have a discussion. Mistake number three, prefacing our remark with doom and gloom statements such as, â€Å"do not take this the wrong way† or â€Å"do not get mad but† it begins the conversation with a sense of impending trouble, and gets our level of anger ratcheted up. Another common mistake is one many women are guilty of, talking the problem to death; we tend to not get to the point, and feel we have to give every single detail. The article says, â€Å"Men have about three minutes of attention for any single discussion† (Benjamin, 2007, pg. 126). The last area is in giving out to much detail. Again women can be guilty of this; we feel we need to tell our man everything, all our past exploitations, we want to be close to our guy, but too much information can  be as damaging as not enough. If we are to avoid the destructive methods of communicating, we must increase our strategic flexi bility, according to Hybels and Weaver (2007) this means â€Å"expanding your communication repertoire† (pg. 6). The more communication skills we have, the more we can draw on them for any scenario or situation. We will be better prepared to handle whatever comes up, while still getting our message across, in the most effective manner. People who possess these skills have much more flourishing interactions with the people in their lives. When discussing communication between partners in an intimate relationship gender and language must be taken into consideration. The way the sexes communicate is very different. According to Hybels and Weaver (2007) â€Å"women use the language of rapport-talk, men use report-talk† (pg. 117). This means that women are trying to form bonds with communication, and increase intimacy levels, men are letting us know their knowledge and skills in a particular subject area. It is a completely different style of communicating, women are â€Å"building relationships† and men are trying to â€Å"fix the problem† (Hybels and Weaver, 2007, pg. 117). In the book, Why Mars and Venus Collide, author Vanessa Bush researches the differences in brain chemistry that is produced by women and men when under stress, â€Å"biochemistry can also explain why women multitask and men are more single-minded in their focus. Problems occur when men and women misinterpret the different ways t he opposite sex responds to and copes with stress† (pg. 104). Several tips that were offered by the author to increase our levels of communication, women should let our partners know when we need support, and men should listen fully to the problem without trying to fix it. I have researched communication in intimate relationships, looked at a lot of studies, and felt I should put my own relationships to the test. I wanted to see if my emotional intelligence matched that of my husband and my children. I wanted to see if the gaps I perceive in our communication as a family was due to the differences in each of our emotional intelligence quotients. What exactly is emotional intelligence; according to Hybels and Weaver (2007) emotional intelligence â€Å"is the ability to understand and get along with others† (pg. 156). In order for us to get along with others, and deal with their emotions, we must first be aware of our own emotions and feelings. We must learn how to appropriately express, and manage our feelings, and learn some self-control,  and we must learn to recognize and handle the feelings of others. I had each family member take the emotional intelligence test, which was retrieved from the Institute for Health and Human Potential. This ev aluates your emotional intelligence, and shows you your strengths and weaknesses. I took the survey, and I had my husband and my daughter take the survey. My daughter and my husband scored very similar on the quiz, my results were about ten points higher than there score. The results said I have a very high emotional intelligence. The results of the emotional intelligence test reflects my life, I am a high achiever, can be very task oriented, and want to ensure that my work with families shows great results. The quiz said I needed to remember why I do the work I do, not get bogged down in tasks, but remember the reason you chose this line of work. The results said I should take time each day to reflect on what brings me the greatest joy. That really reflects me, I enjoy the work tremendously, but sometimes the day to day tasks that have to get done can make me a bit cynical. I think it also translates into my personal life, I can read people well, and feel I am in tune with their emotions, but some days I just do not take the time to really sit down and listen to those closest to me. I can see this reflected in my relationship with my husband. I am so busy being busy; I do not really pay attention to him, and what his concerns are. The emotional intelligence test scores for my husband and daughter both said they have slightly above average emotional intelligence, with room to grow. It reflects what I see in both of them, they are very sensitive to the needs of those around them, but do not always take time for themselves. The quiz also says they may not always communicate their feelings or needs to others. This is very true, especially of my husband; he does not communicate his needs well, and then he can become angry and distant. The quiz gives areas for improvement for both my husband and my daughter. They are to look at what causes them stress and tension, and how they handle those situations, and try and rid themselves of the negative thoughts that play in their minds. I have seen the destructive results of this type of negative thinking, feeling you are unworthy and unlovable. We now know the results of the emotional intelligence quiz, now what. We must come together and as a family and decide how best to proceed. Having the results of this quiz has opened the doors to communication for my family. We saw in print, what each of us sees  reflected in the other. The communication between my husband and me was bordering on becoming destructive, we both were passive aggressive when dealing with issues. I did not want to argue, so I would let it go, but not really, it stayed with me, and I would do mean things to get back at my husband. I might not wake him up, even if I saw he forgot to set his alarm, and was going to be late for work. I might not put his work clothes in the dryer, even when I see he is running late. It would be little inconsequential things I would do, but over the years they have added up, and we were at the brink of separating. My husband was no different; he was just as guilty of allowing the barriers to effective communicating to come between us. I also have to admit that I saw some of the same communication barriers creeping into my teenage daughter’s style of communicating. I think being aware of a problem is half the battle, when we are honest, and do some self assessing, we can truly begin to make some changes. I decided that since my emotional intelligence results were so different from my husband’s that taking a personality test might be in order. I found a personality types questionnaire, and we both took the survey. The survey was published by Dawn Billings, (2004) CEO and Founder of The Heart Link Women’s Network. The Primary colors personality tool asks specific questions, and you rate yourself from highest to lowest in each category. Once finished, you add up the scores and the one with the largest number represents your major personality profile. I took the survey as did my husband and my daughter. The results were very interesting, the one area I found fascinating was that my husband and I both scored the highest in the same category. It said we were both gentle and understanding, which is true, that we are more interested in being loved than in being right, so we may stay with partners that do not treat us well. There have been times in this relationship where I felt I was being mistreated, and my husband has admitted that he has felt the same at times. It also says we may put the needs of others above our own needs, this is very true, and was also reflected in our emotional intelligence test. The tests also said this personality type over commits themselves, and not leave room for those closest to them. This has been a real issue in my marriage; I am so driven by work and school that I forget that I have a husband and a daughter who needs me. Since taking these surveys, the gaps in our communication has closed dramatically. My husband  was open to taking the test, which surprised me; I thought he would balk at doing this. He was as surprised as I was with some of the results; it opened the door for us to begin really talking about issues, as a family, and as a couple. There is more work to be done, taking a couple of quizzes cannot erase years of bad, and ineffective communicating. The pain is there from years of misunderstandings, and from the communication barriers we placed in our paths, but what has happened is the willingness for us to come together as a couple, see what needs to be worked on, and begin that process. Communication skills are vital for any relationship, both personal and professional. This journey has made me aware that I spend a great deal of time working on my professional relationships. I am very careful of how I phrase my comments to coworkers, I am cautious of hurting feelings, or of being misunderstood. I think about what I have to say to a coworker before I actually say it; I try and take into consideration their feelings. But I am not always as conscience at home of the impact my words will have. Communicating effectively is a skill, one that takes work and practice. It also requires that at times we must do some self assessing, see where our strengths are at, but also admit where our weaknesses are at, and begin the process of reducing those barriers. This is the only way we can be both effective at work, and at home, and have a happy, healthy relationship. References Jennifer Benjamin. (2007, October). 5 Talking Mistakes Most Couples Make. Cosmopolitan, 243(4), 126. Retrieved March 21, 2010, from Research Library. (Document ID: 1394182521). Billings, D. (2004). Primary color personality tool. The Heart Link women’s network. Bush, V.. (2007, December). Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress [review of Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Strss]. The Booklist, 104(8), 4. Retrieved March 22, 2010, from Research Library. (Document ID: 1402448851). David Code. (2009, February 13). How emotional distance ruins marriage. The Christian Science Monitor,p. 9. Retrieved March 21, 2010, from ProQuest Newsstand. (Document ID: 1644399621). Laura Gilbert. (2008, September). Couples. Cosmopolitan, 245(3), 145. Retrieved March 21, 2010, from Research Library. (Document ID: 1529579221). Hybels, S., and Weaver, R. (2007). Communicating effectively (8th ed.). Boston: McGraw-Hill. Institute for Health and Human Potential. (March, 2010). Emotional intelligence. Retrieved March, 21st, 2010, from http://www.ihhp.com/quiz COMMITTMENTS Caught Up in a Cycle of Nagging, Ignoring :[Home Edition]. (1994, July 25). Los Angeles Times (pre-1997 Fulltext),p. 3. Retrieved March 22, 2010, from Los Angeles Times. (Document ID: 59646758).

The Worldwide Popularity of Latin Music :: Arts

The Worldwide Popularity of Latin Music The most played and listened to music right now almost everywhere in the world is Latin music. It is especially characterized by its rhythm and its exotic instruments. (Revels-Bey) Nowadays, this kind of music is grabbing people’s attention especially in the marketing area because we can see that people are starting to use it in commercials, TV shows, movies, etc. Most people are ignorant of the origins of Latin Music. They just enjoy it but they never wonder how this pleasant music got its mixed sounds and styles together. Latin music has its root in the Moorish culture. This culture emerged when Christopher Columbus came to conquer the new world and he brought with him Moorish slaves into Latin America. The Moorish culture spread its rhythm and sounds among other countries. Its rhythm distinguished its music between other cultures. Moorish descendants used drums and songs in a way to communicate each other. After years, this music spread through all the islands of the Carribean making it their unique musical culture. Each Latin American country adopted some sounds from the Moorish to made their own style. (Revels-Bey) Latin music is a mix of different sounds, beats, and rhythms obtained from Spain and Latin America. The styles of Latin music are: el mambo, la rumba, la zarzuela, flamenco, el tango ,el merengue, la cumbia and salsa El mambo and the rumba are kind of similar in sounds but experts can distinguish them by their beats. They say that the mambo’s musical has unexpected beats and that the rumba starts with a group of improvised verses. La zarzuela and the flamenco are both folkloric music from Spain, but they differ in two points. La zarzuela is from Spanish opera and the flamenco has an influence of arabic and gypsy melodies. El tango is the music from Argentina and it’s characterized by its slow and soft rhythm. El merengue has a fast beat and a tropical rhythm and it started in the Dominican republic. The cumbia has a moderate to rapid melodious verses and choruses. Musicians play it with accordions and drums. Finally, la salsa became popular in Miami and New York and ità ¢â‚¬â„¢s characterized by the use of trumpets and other brass instruments. (Monkeyshines) One of the Latin music styles that most people around the world learn and like to dance to because of its contagious rhythm is Salsa. The Worldwide Popularity of Latin Music :: Arts The Worldwide Popularity of Latin Music The most played and listened to music right now almost everywhere in the world is Latin music. It is especially characterized by its rhythm and its exotic instruments. (Revels-Bey) Nowadays, this kind of music is grabbing people’s attention especially in the marketing area because we can see that people are starting to use it in commercials, TV shows, movies, etc. Most people are ignorant of the origins of Latin Music. They just enjoy it but they never wonder how this pleasant music got its mixed sounds and styles together. Latin music has its root in the Moorish culture. This culture emerged when Christopher Columbus came to conquer the new world and he brought with him Moorish slaves into Latin America. The Moorish culture spread its rhythm and sounds among other countries. Its rhythm distinguished its music between other cultures. Moorish descendants used drums and songs in a way to communicate each other. After years, this music spread through all the islands of the Carribean making it their unique musical culture. Each Latin American country adopted some sounds from the Moorish to made their own style. (Revels-Bey) Latin music is a mix of different sounds, beats, and rhythms obtained from Spain and Latin America. The styles of Latin music are: el mambo, la rumba, la zarzuela, flamenco, el tango ,el merengue, la cumbia and salsa El mambo and the rumba are kind of similar in sounds but experts can distinguish them by their beats. They say that the mambo’s musical has unexpected beats and that the rumba starts with a group of improvised verses. La zarzuela and the flamenco are both folkloric music from Spain, but they differ in two points. La zarzuela is from Spanish opera and the flamenco has an influence of arabic and gypsy melodies. El tango is the music from Argentina and it’s characterized by its slow and soft rhythm. El merengue has a fast beat and a tropical rhythm and it started in the Dominican republic. The cumbia has a moderate to rapid melodious verses and choruses. Musicians play it with accordions and drums. Finally, la salsa became popular in Miami and New York and ità ¢â‚¬â„¢s characterized by the use of trumpets and other brass instruments. (Monkeyshines) One of the Latin music styles that most people around the world learn and like to dance to because of its contagious rhythm is Salsa.

Narrative Using the Hobbit Essay

It was a fine spring morning according to Prince Reno of Lorien, who was to set off with his seven most trusted friends-the dwarf brothers Korin and Gorik, the three mighty elf leaders loki,Lorin and Algain and two of the finest Dalish Warriors Phalarix and Cagaris-on a quest. These eight men together were very powerful throughout the land, no-one could match their wisdom and might. Prince Reno’s quest was to avenge his father’ death meaning he had to kill the evil enchantress Sirenia. He was walking away from his life of luxury and riches in order to do so, also meaning he gave up his right to be crowned king. It took them many days to be in a viewing distance of the Mountains of Lorencia, and at the very heart of the mountain was Sirenia’s fortress. It would take them three days to reach the mountains and another two to get to the fortress so they rested up that night and set off the next morning. Two days later it was unfortunate when Lorin died and that they got lost. They buried him and then Reno remembered an enchanted compass he had which would take them on the shortest but most dangerous path so they all took a vote and decided to use it. Upon arrival at the mountains they encountered a horrifying and disgusting site of three gigantic hob-goblins protecting the path to Sirenia. As soon as they saw the hob-goblins they attacked and if it weren’t for Korin sacrificing himself none of them would have survived. Prince Reno knew this might have been the last few days of his life, he knew that two people had already died throughout this quest and that there may be many deaths to come. As they approached the fortress they found a quick entrance to sneak in through, they crept through the fortress to Sirenia’s quarters but she knew they were coming and had turned into her demon dragon form but Prince Reno used this to his advantage as he had an enchanted blade covered in the poisonous blood of the blue and red fire-snape and started slicing and slashing at Sirenia waiting for the poison to kick in, as he watched his friends die brutally and then it happened, Sirenia dropped dead and Prince Reno knew that it was time to flee, finally being at peace knowing his father’s killer was now dead.

Guilt and Shame in Hawthornes The Scarlet Letter

Guilt and shame haunt all three of the main characters in The Scarlet Letter, but how they each handle their sin will change their lives forever. Hester Prynne’s guilt is publicly exploited. She has to live with her shame for the rest of her life by wearing a scarlet letter on the breast of her gown. Arthur Dimmesdale, on the other hand, is just as guilty of adultery as Hester, but he allows his guilt to remain a secret. Instead of telling the people of his vile sin, the Reverend allows it to eat away at his rotting soul. The shame of what he has done slowly kills him. The last sinner in this guilty trio is Rodger Chillingworth. This evil man not only hides his true identity as Hester’s husband, but also mentally torments†¦show more content†¦However, Hester and Arthur are not the only people in The Scarlet Letter guilty of a wicked sin. Roger Chillingworth is a vile man who hides his disgrace of having a disloyal wife and finds pleasure in tormenting the poor Arthur Dimmesdale. When he comes to town at the beginning of The Scarlet Letter, Chillingworth makes Hester promise not to tell anyone that he is her real husband.â€Å" ‘Breath not, to any human soul, that thou didst ever call me husband!’†¦Ã¢â‚¬â„¢because I will not encounter the dishonor that besmirches the husband of a faithless woman†¦Ã¢â‚¬â„¢Ã¢â‚¬ (Hawthorne 52-53). Chillingworth will not bear the shame in regards to his unfaithful wife, nor be burdened with supporting and providing for her. He is truly a cruel and twisted man. This unfaithfulness to his wife is not his only shame; he also is responsible for the daily, mental torture of Rev. Arthur Dimmesdale. â€Å"She doubted not, that the continual presence of Roger Chillingworth, –the secret poison of his malignity, infecting all the air about him, –and his authorized interference, as a physician, with the minister’s physical and spiritual infirmities, –that these bad opportunities had been turned into a cruel purpose† (Hawthorne132). 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Gender And Education Comparative Education - 937 Words

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In contrast to the traditional methods of analysis in comparative education, Kara Janigan and Vandra Lea Masemann’s studies provides a new way of l ooking at the issue of gender and education. Rather than focusing on the results of quantitative studies, the authors stress the importance of qualitative studies. According to the authors, â€Å"gender parity refers to the actual number of girls and boys, women and men, participating within an institution (sameness). On the other hand, gender equality refers to the treatment of girls andShow MoreRelatedGender And Education : Comparative Education953 Words   |  4 PagesGender and Education – Kara Janigan and Vandra Lea Masemann Gender and Education in Comparative Education In the field of comparative education, analysing the ways in which teaching and learning can be gendered is an important topic of discussion. 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Children And Children s Developmental Outcomes - 840 Words

The main concepts of this article are based on the ideology that the amount of time mothers spent with children or adolescents matter. Mothers engaged in accessible time and engaged time with their children. Accessible time between child and mother present was not directly participating with child. Engaged time is total participating time the child spent with mother. Children’s developmental outcomes are important in two key forms. Being there and being directly engaged in activities with their children. â€Å"Mommy Wars† seemed to be a dispute between homemakers and employed mothers. Homemakers felt employed mothers were being selfish and harming their children by being away from the home to long. Another interesting concept is whether the amount of time mothers spends with children and adolescents impacts their developmental, behavioral, emotional and academic performance. 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Twelfth Night Free Essays

Twelfth Night is a comedy and a marvel. This play conveys many messages that are seen by the audience, but not seen by the characters in the play. There are many points involving love, friendship, conflicts and confusion. We will write a custom essay sample on Twelfth Night or any similar topic only for you Order Now Twelfth Night displays characters that are mad, in love, and desperate for love. Twelfth Night has many conflicts that occur because characters fail to listen to messages. Viola is a character who has just thought that her brother has died in a shipwreck that they were both in. Viola disguises herself as a man to seek employment under the Duke Orsino’s court. The confusion occurs, when Viola tells Orsino that she loves someone (Orsino), when she tells Olivia that she cannot love a woman, and when Viola reveals some true facts about her identity to other characters, such as Feste the fool. Confusion is always occurring in Twelfth Night, and characters are too blinded by love to see the truth behind everything. Viola speaks to Orsino as a servant, and explains her past, her family, and her love, even though she is disguised as a man. She speaks to Orsino in a secretive manner, not to give away her true identity and feelings towards the Duke. I am all the daughters of my father’s house, and all the brothers, too – and yet I know not. † (II. VI. 130-135) Viola reveals that she is a different person inside, and that she is both brother and daughter, meaning that even though her appearance is that of a man, she is truly a female. Viola also explains her love many times to Orsino, but in a way that he does not understand. Orsino does not realize that Viola/Cesario is a woman. Viola expresses her love for the Duke to Olivia as well. [Olivia] â€Å"Where lies your text? [Viola] In Orsino’s bosom. Olivia] In his bosom? In what chapter of his bosom? [Viola] To answer by the method, in this first of his heart. † (I. V. 220-225) Viola tells Olivia that she loves Orsino, and is in his heart, but Olivia, thinking that Viola is a male, does not listen to her true message. Viola keeps her true identity very secret, but also lets other people think about her inner person, as she reveals some facts about herself. She also speaks in a different manner than most men around her, which makes her a bit different. She does not like to fight, and does not act like a drunk. Viola/Cesario also speaks to Olivia about not loving a woman. Viola admits to Olivia that she is someone who cannot, and will not love another woman. Olivia, having fallen in love with Cesario/Viola, is blinded by love and does listen to Viola’s important words. As Viola tries to tell Olivia that she cannot love her, Olivia just falls even more in love, which creates much more confusion between them. Viola, being annoyed with Olivia’s stubborn character, says something that snaps Olivia out of her dream world. â€Å"Then think you right. I am not what I am. (III. I. 145-150) Viola hints to Olivia, as she did to Orsino, that she is different from her actual appearance. These characters, such as Olivia and Orsino, have gotten so caught up in their love, and search for love that they have caused confusion for all. Olivia’s and Orsino’s behaviour affects them personally. Olivia tries to convince Cesario/Viola to love her, but Viola, being intelligent, replies to Olivia. â€Å"I pity you. † (III. I. 125-130) Viola explains her pity for Olivia, because she sees, how desperate Olivia is for love. No man would have responded this way to a lady such as Olivia, which shows some more of Viola’s true personality and character. Viola has told Olivia her true feelings towards her, and partially reveals that she is not really a man, which creates a twist for Olivia’s point of view. Still, Olivia being blinded by love, and desperate for a man, does not interpret Viola’s message. Viola attempts to speak with Feste the fool, but even he does not fully understand her secret. Nor does he understand who is in love with whom. Feste the fool is a wise clown, who has perfected his profession, yet does not realize when Viola /Cesario is trying to tell him something about her true character. The fool is also blinded by trickery and his own personality. Viola, whom everyone thinks to be Cesario – a servant for Orsino – is slowly unveiling her true personality and secret. No one seems to listen to her, thus causing many misunderstandings, odd occurring, and mysterious acts between the characters. [Fool] â€Å"Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard! Viola] By my troth I’ll tell thee, I am almost sick for one, ‘aside’ though I would not have it grown on my chin. –† (III. I. 45-50) Viola tells Feste that she would not like a beard, but the truth is that she cannot grow one. As Sebastian enters the next scene, and becomes a more involved character, he is important because his sister Viola looks very much like him. They are twins, so as other characters see them, their confusion rises, and more conflicts occur. Feste the fool does not realize who is who, when he is speaking to Viola/Cesario or Sebastian. Sebastian] â€Å"Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow. Let me be free of thee. [Fool] Well held out, i’ faith. No, I do not know you, nor am I not sent to you by my lady to bid you come speak with her, nor your name is not Master Cesario, nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing that is so is so. † (IV. I. 5-10) Sebastian urges the fool to go on his way and not to bother him, but the fool, thinking that Sebastian is Master Cesario, tells Sebastian that Lady Olivia wants to speak with him. Sebastian does not know Olivia and is bewildered. In this happening, more and more misunderstanding, uncertainty and disorder is occurring. Characters are blinded by their own needs, and are self centered. They do not listen to Viola as she tries to reveal her identity. She tells Orsino, Olivia and the fool, traits of herself that prove her to be a woman, but they are all dumbfounded. As this play unravels, the characters all find their true mate, or have ended up alone, and Viola gets reunited with her brother who was thought to have been lost in the shipwreck. Twelfth Night is a comedy and a marvellous play that will trick the minds of all. How to cite Twelfth Night, Essay examples Twelfth Night Free Essays Twelfth Night is a light-hearted comedy written by William Shakespeare between 1598 and 1601. Even though this play is a comedy, it also has pain in its content which is mostly inflicted on the three main characters, Viola. The pain they experience is mostly caused by the lack of self-knowledge they have about themselves or others, and by unrequited love. We will write a custom essay sample on Twelfth Night or any similar topic only for you Order Now This pain makes Twelfth Night the play it is. Orsino experiences pain throughout Twelfth Night. â€Å"Even so in a minute! So full of shapes is fancy. That it alone is high fantastical. † Here Orsino pours out his hearts pain because of his infatuation love which is unrequited. He states that love is just in the imagination and it’s nothing more than fantastical, in these words pain can be felt and it easily to empathize with. Orsino has caused his pain upon himself as he doesn’t have enough self-knowledge to realize his love for Olivia is infatuation. Olivia’s requited love for Cesario ensures her pain in Twelfth Night. Olivia’s love is true but it is aimed at the wrong person as Cesario is under disguise therefore her love for him will always remain one-sided. Olivia says in the play â€Å"I would you were as I would have you be. † Olivia tries to make Cesario see that she wishes he loves her despite of his countless refusals towards her love, this causes Olivia hurt as she doesn’t clearly understand why Cesario doesn’t want her as she doesn’t lack wealth, status or looks. Viola or Cesario lacks self-knowledge of others, in specific mostly with Orsino. She doesn’t seem to observe that Orsino’s love is artificial. â€Å"I’ll do my best to woo your lady. Yet, a barful strife! Whoe’er I woo, myself would be his wife. † Viola gets her heart wounded and full of pain when she has to woo on her masters behalf. She secretly loves him therefore wooing a woman for him will cause pain and hurt upon any female. Viola also causes pain upon Olivia and in the process hurts herself, her pain is shown when she says â€Å"Poor lady, she were better to love a dream. Disguise, I see thou art a wickedness. Viola isn’t blaming her disguise for the pain she is bringing upon herself and others; she is acknowledging that she has chosen this path for herself. In conclusion, although Twelfth Night is a comedy, it has a fair amount of pain inflicted into the plot. Through this discussion, it has come to attention that a lot of pain could’ve been avoided if the characters had more self-knowledge about themselve s and others, but if they did, there wouldn’t have been a Twelfth Night with suspense and a climax. How to cite Twelfth Night, Essay examples